Desi
Desi : Since I was a kid, I have been in a desperate attempt to learn Hindi to no avail. I had given up until 2008 when it decided to return to India after 10 long years. That the ideal time to revisit my roots and try to learn the Indian language again.
Although I understand some Hindi, I could not talk on it with any fluency, much less in the Katchi or Tolo, the parents of their native languages. I did not know how to cook any of the recipes my grandmother’s family (and lived with our upbringing), I had one of my friends from India, I rarely went to India (thanks to years of bickering family), and I did not celebrate any Indian holidays. At least I can learn Hindi so I would be 
something to pass on to my offspring.
So I figured that the best way to learn and talk to my parents. It seemed as if a proposal has been easy enough. The only problem is my parents and had zero patience for my learning curve, it was just much easier for them to speak English. Our telephone conversations usually went like this:
“Hello my mother.”
“Hello spray. I went to Trader Joe the other day, and I found this,”
“Hindi Polo!”
“Beautiful”, says she would envy. It is also the Prattled in Hindi, I would like to hear of an attempt to capture everything he was saying.
“Tumne sasta twist baingain?”
“No!” This is not what I said I can not explain this in Hindi. …. I said eggplant ”
I would get frustrated and upset, and resign myself to the fact that if you’re going to learn Hindi, I would like to do it on my own.
Indian growing up, and I often feel pressure (like many children in other South Asian) to get good grades, stay out of trouble, to get the highest levels in the schools, and make a lot of money, all the while remaining a virgin and free from drugs. All of these features that have come to associate with “being” Indian.
But not all of these things make me really Indian? When I was going to learn more about the history, language and culture? How to correctly put on the force? How to roll roti?
The problem is my parents seemed less concerned with me learning about Indian culture and more about me does not turn to the American teenager wild crazy like American Pie or Girls Gone Wild. Perhaps the years of watching Jerry Springer or the general hospital, which caused my mother to become so fearful. Or perhaps it was my father’s concerts in the United States during his time at the high made him want to ensure that they reach us. Either way, over time my perception of the Indian culture is starting to look less to celebrate our heritage and more like a set of rules and regulations.
The most I could not do much more to say. No date. Do not stay late. You do not have sex until you’re married. And certainly do not study in the College of Liberal Arts. And for God does not do anything to embarrass your parents.
I try to be respectable Indian girl growing up left to myself and not from a place other than with my Indian counterparts, who seemed more experienced in worldly affairs, such as boys and wine than I was. However, when you try to fit in with the other from South Asia in high school, I often felt rejected, I was often considered “too white” by other desis. Exactly what that means, I wonder? Was it because I listen to the Rolling Stones instead of Jay-Z? On the contrary, would listen to hip-hop music make you “too black”? Or was it because I prefer to watch Brad Pitt, Shah Rukh Khan?
Absurdity of the stereotypical expectations of this kind, and a curfew was imposed early on, and a ban on dating, and paranoia and intense about the opposite sex Deflowering daughter virgin, set me up like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Frustrated because I can not seem to fit in with either the U.S. or Indian culture, and decided to chuck all the rules I grew up with the ideals out the window. I went to college and I did everything my father did not want me to do: have sex, get drunk and smoked a lot of weed. And they (the horror of all horrors) a liberal arts major.
In my opinion, young people, and being Indian means appropriate in the template, a cookie cutter formula that assured you are like anyone else. To my father, who did not have to the question of “Indianess” bases were less for the Indian and being more to ensure that I was successful and stable.
The problem is that I did not know how to stick to my Indian heritage and the individual remains as it seems there is no room for uniqueness or self-expression. In my desire to do things like work in the fashion industry, and getting tattoos, and on his back across Europe, and I often felt as if I was rebelling against my culture when I was just just being myself. I began to wonder why getting a tattoo made me any less Indian, (the Sanskrit language after all).
Paradoxically, I often longed to be “more” Indian. I wished I knew how to speak five Indian languages, or that I found myself attracted to men, forums, or I want to become a doctor, or that I preferred and Punjabi hip-hop to rock. And then maybe I would like to be able to fit in somewhere. But try to make myself fit the mold of any other person believed to have been the Indian such as trying to fit square peg in a round hole. It was not me.
For a long time I avoided anything that looked remotely Indian, who was disappointed after that I felt that I will never be accepted. And moved across the country, 3,000 miles away from my family, and moved in with her boyfriend, and worked on the server in Los Angeles restaurants trendy. If I can not fit in, why bother trying to be the good girl?
Interestingly, this was a space of my family, and it stood for everything that he allowed me to really discover my culture on my terms private. After a few years of the West, and began to miss the culture of the Indians and the longing for something that can be involved with staying close to my roots. In my research I stumbled upon an Indian Arts Festival in Los Angeles, and expose me to a community of great actors in South Asia, writers, comedians, musicians and dancers. Much to my relief, doctors, engineers, and which can be found anywhere.
I began to read books by authors Indians and American Indian peoples, such as Song of the Cuckoo Bird, translator of the disease. Discovered in South Asia wing of a Los Angeles County Museum of Art. I practiced cooking dishes such as moong dal and grills paneer. India has embarked on an estimated American music like Chee Malabar and Mia (way before they became famous, I would like to add.) Began to practice yoga and meditation. So I started reading the Bhagavad Gita, (which was known as Krishna was so wise?).
My new found appreciation for Indian culture began to expand my thoughts what it means to be Indian. Instead of resentment, I found myself filled with a sense of gratitude toward my culture. I love the sense of family and society, which promotes a culture of the Indian Ocean. I like the Indians to take education seriously. I love that Indians are loud and noisy. I love that my nieces and the children call me fiya and tragedies. In the end I was excited and relieved to find a place for me within the Indian culture, and it does not revolve around whether or not you are a doctor.
Even though I moved away from home, I found myself growing closer to my family, including cousins in the United States. Throughout my life I had taken my negative feelings about the Indian culture and transferred it to them. Certainly because they were “Indian” (master’s degree in business administration, and children, marriage, etc.), and I felt they would reject me and my non-traditional means. But nothing could be further from the truth. To develop a relationship with them and found nothing but open arms and loving family that will always care for me no matter what choices you have made.
Now I sit here older, wiser and back on the east coast, I know that my relationship with my culture is. And it’s my job to feed him. It does not depend on the perceptions of other Indians, or what I think is the culture of the Indian Ocean. I’m still hoping on most days of the week and my apartment is decorated with silk panels Krishna and his ladies, and dark brown wooden elephants and old photos of my family. I would never date an Indian Bollywood or listening to music, but this does not make me any less Indian. Perhaps my father will not be able to teach me Hindi, but this does not mean I can not know that in my country.
I prefer to go back to the book of Hindi language.
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